I do not know why I find so hard to trust on someone.
I feel fear, fear of being judged, fear of not being accepted. Because of all the trobules I´ve been through, I got to the point that I wasn´t sure if I was crazy or not. That´s what I fear most, being crazy, being insane.
Two years have passed, and I still haven´t told my parents I´ve wanted to commit suicide. The only thing I could think about was that they were going to take me to some kind of psychiatric hospital and leave me there till my "ilness" was healed.
I didn´t want to be classified as a person who has some kind of mental disorder, I don´t have anything against them It´s just that I don´t know. I just didn´t want to. It´s up to date that I don´t know why I was so terrified about that, but I just felt like it.
Another cause of my trust issues, is that in the past, I´ve trusted on persons who I thought were friends, but they showed me they weren´t. Those persons who I wrongly used to call friends, used to make fun of that, while they were laughing about it, I remember I thought "You are making fun of what could have been the end of my life" What a funny joke...
Well that´s basically the truth about why I don´t feel comfortable when I need to talk with someone cause I have a problem, but well I¨ve found a few persons that I know are reliable.
If you read this and you are curious about it, the answer is NO, I´m not crazy and I haven´t got any kind of mental illness, it´s just that it Took me some time to UNDERSTAND it.
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